Enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship secrets

Can the Enneagram Help Me Find My Perfect Match?Wendy Appel

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship secrets

The Enneagram of Personality separates people into nine distinct But the reason they are so devoted to their relationships is because the 6 type Type 8: That they're afraid of the impact other people are capable of having on them. Motivations, Personality, Personality Type, Secrets, The Enneagram. The Nine Enneagram Types The Narrative Tradition Enneagram FAQs Resources and Links If you have a personal story to share about your experience of your type or subtype, or your .. My two older brothers were Points Seven and Eight. impossible relationships, working, shopping, drinking, reading mysteries and. Enneagram Type Eight (the Challenger) with. Enneagram Type Nine (the Peacemaker). What Each Type Brings to the Relationship. Enneagram Eights bring.

Nines typically tend to live vicariously through the positive qualities of the other, and Eights like to have people around who are impressed and stimulated by the Eight's leadership, vitality, and brashness.

Can The Enneagram Help Me Find My Perfect Match?

Nines genuinely admire the Eight's ability to make things happen and to fearlessly take on challenges. On the other hand, Nines bring a sense of calm and stability that Eights find soothing and necessary for their wellbeing.

  • What Each Enneagram Type Is Secretly Afraid You’ll Find Out About Them

They also bring to Eights a feeling of quiet pride in the Eight's bravado and more assertive qualities, encouraging Eights to continue in their take charge style. Even healthy Eights spend a lot of time overcoming obstacles and adversity; they are fighters trying to survive and make their mark on the world. Nines are like a safe harbor, a respite, a person with whom Eights can let down their guard and relax.

They tend therefore to teach each other what the other lacks: Eights bring Nines self-confidence and self-assertion, while Nines teach Eights which battles are worth fighting for and how not to push so hard.

Let's Talk About Eights - Enneagram Monthly

Their roles are well-defined with each playing a parenting role toward the others—one is usually the daddy while the other is the mommy—although this does not go along gender lines as might be expected.

But the reason they are so devoted to their relationships is because the 6 type believes, at their core, that they are incapable of providing for themselves. This type relies on their external relationships with others to keep them feeling safe and secure.

The 7 type is known for being wild and adventurous. But the reason they seek so much external stimulation is because this type feels, at their core, that what they are searching for in life can only be found outside of themselves. This type is terrified of being left alone — without new people or new adventures to take part in — because they believe that who they are on their own is not enough to make them happy or to make their lives meaningful and rich.

They 8 type is known for being controlling of the people around them. Type 8s are inherently distrustful of others and they harbor a very real belief that if they leave themselves at the mercy of others in absolutely any way, others will harm them irreversibly.

The 9 type is known for being highly in tune with the people around them, as well as the spiritual side of life. But the real reason type 9s are so in touch with others is because they fear that other people make up an integral part of themselves — a part that they are terrified to lose. I will respect you and act in a caring and trustworthy way toward you and I will use all my smarts to make you a winner.

So, even though I will feel upset if you beat me and choose to lose once again, I will not take it personally. To do so would be to fuse with you. Healthy people have a personality.

Enneagram Type 8 & Relationships ~ Enneagram Consultant.

But in the average and unhealthy ranges we have another example of fusion. In common parlance the term refers to strong sexual desire, but in this context it is much more. Because they are so afraid of being dominated in any way by others, Eights are strongly tempted to dominate. This is serious business because Eights are tempted to treat others as objects, not subjects.

The Eight can seek to gratify himself or herself by using you as a something rather than relating to you as a someone. You are simply a means to an end.

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship secrets

To return to the example of the Mafia, the goal is money and power. Murder, extortion, intimidation are the means. To stand in the way of the will of the Don is to risk the kiss of death. The problem is not strong sexual desire. The problem is in treating others as playthings who can be used and then tossed aside like rag dolls. The solution for the Eight is in moving to the Two. I want much more than a sexual encounter.

I want to cherish and be cherished.

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship secrets

I remember the many times that you came to my office and shared with me your joy and excitement because you were pregnant. You shared your love in a physical way and this new life began in your body.

The both of you were so excited waiting for her to be born and both of you found yourselves madly in love with her once she came forth. It was in your arms, in your eyes, in your heart and in your constant interacting with her that she gradually discovered who she was. There is no such thing as a person outside of relationship and it is only in relationship that we become individual persons. This is another place where it gets very interesting. You keep telling me how you so much want to be your own person and yet you also never stop telling me how your heart aches for intimacy.

How can you achieve both? Emotional fusion is not intimacy because when you fuse with another you lose yourself. That loss is so painful that it always leads to distance. When you fuse, you emotionally cut off from the person you claim you love. Remember, in fusion you are either a victimizer or a victim. Either you are responsible for what your partner is experiencing and that makes you a victimizer or you are blaming your partner for your own inner experience and that makes you a victim.

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship secrets

Your partner is not your creation or your possession. Your partner is a person just like you and yet in many ways not like you at all. You told me that you just wanted to be happy. You told me how when the two of you met you were so much in love. Your heart ached for intimacy.

Now, even your physical relationship had grown stale. The more you fuse with your partner, the greater the upset, the more certain the cut-off. Fusion always leads to emotional distance, never to intimacy. I encounter it everywhere. A committed relationship is a commitment to resolve differences. In order to resolve those differences both you and your partner need to be differentiated.

Differentiation enables you to hear what your partner is saying and provides the framework for your partner to hear your thoughts and positions.

You and your partner are in a relationship between equals. Intimacy emerges from relationship. The more differentiated you are, the more you can own, take responsibility for, be accountable for your own feelings, thoughts, behaviors, whims, habits, personal style — whatever, and the more your partner can do the same, the more likely it is that you and your partner will achieve intimacy.

The wonderful news about intimacy is that the more you become one in your love, the more you discover yourself.